Donald was a large , tan , knocked – kneed  goat with one horn shorter than the other .  He was a rescue goat or so I thought.  The adventure of how he came to live with us is another story.  Today I’m reminded of how he loved me.  When I lost my younger brother a few years ago to a sudden death from an asthma attack , he would find me in the dark when I would go outside to cry.  He would sit next to me and press his cheek next to mine and his nose would be next to my nose.  I could smell his sweet breath.  It was so sweet with a hint of alfalfa hay.  He would sit very still in this same position while I cried and cried and cried.  I know he could feel my tears on his face and I know he could feel my pain and sadness.  I could hear inside my heart “ You’re not alone.  Everything will be OK”.  I slowly became “OK” and I began to feel peace. 

Then my husband got sick.  For several years he battled a terrible stomach cancer.  After he passed away , again I found myself outside sitting in the dark and Donald found me again.  He sat with me  and let my cry with his cheek against mine.  It’s been a year now since my husband died.  Donald has been there every time I needed him no matter if it was day or night.  Just yesterday , I got word that my favorite uncle had a sudden death. I couldn’t believe it.  Another person that I had loved dearly had died.   I headed outside to feed my animals.  As I approached the barn my heart stopped.  I saw something every goat farmer dreads.  I saw a goat “ down”.  Most of the time goats don’t recover from this.  It was Donald.  As I rushed to his side , my tears began to fall.  I could barely see him through my blurry eyes.  I lifted his head, I cupped his face in my hands, and I told him I loved him.  Death had become too familiar.  I gently rubbed his head and cheeks.  I knew it was his time.  “ I’m so sorry dear friend “, I said.  I realized something inside of me .  Even though I was very sad, I wasn’t angry or resentful.  I didn’t even ask God “Why?”.  I cried .  I cried because I was going to miss him.  I was really going to miss his sweet and kind spirit.  

As I sat by his side, I loved on him, I wet his lips , I wiped the mud off of his face, and I repositioned him so he would be comfortable.  I knew he was passing.  I didn’t want him to be alone and I especially wanted him to know that he was loved and special and that his life mattered.  Then I remembered .  I had done this very thing with my husband as he passed away in my arms. Then I heard something very quiet deep inside my heart.  “ Donald has been a gift for you to help you deal with grief even with his own passing”. 

Today , even as Donald was passing in my arms , he was continuing to help me …. cope…. deal……..and heal with the loss of so many loved ones.  In such a strange way, his death helped to bring peace.  It helped me learn to accept that death is a part of life.  Death doesn’t mean the end.  It is merely a transition to a promise that God has given us.  I was reminded that my brother , my husband , and my uncle had actually seen the face of God.  I kissed my dear Donald on his sweet cheek ,thanked him for helping me during his lifetime, ……and I let him go.